Some typical emotional reasons might be:

I have been with him for a long time

He promised a future

He said he would change

We are good together

The chemistry is good

Some less typical and often unreasonable reasons might be:

I have wasted the last 5 years of my life

He might find someone else

If I stay he will realize how much he loves me and change

He’s been hurt

He will go back to his ex

I want to punish him and make him miserable

There is a difference between reasonable and unreasonable excuses for remaining in a relationship that you are unhappy with. The reasonable group is living on hope. The unreasonable group is acting more out of pride and ego. No one ever wants to be rejected or replaced.  No one wants to lose, but in the end, both groups need to decide when enough is enough.

NEXT WEEK: WHY DO I ALWAYS MEET THE WRONG GUY?

How many of you have ever asked yourself that question?  Can you list the reasons why you love him?

In my opinion, and everyone has one, we as women stay in relationships that do not make us happy for a variety of reasons. Some of the reasons are practical while others are purely emotional. Let’s take some time and explore some of the reasons we stay in unhappy relationships.

The practical reasons for staying in a bad relationship can be compelling. Finances lead the list. If a woman is dependent financially, it can be overwhelming to imagine ending the situation. This fear often leads to envisioning worst-case scenarios. For instance, not being able to support yourself  and/or the fear of being alone.

Another practical concern is children. What is best for the children? How will the children handle the breakup? Will I be able to support them?  Real problems – real concerns.

If you are in this type of a situation, the best course of action is to understand that you have options. Meaning you don’t have to pack your bags and leave today unless yourself or your children are being abused. Then you need to take immediate action; otherwise, you should think about making plans for the future such as going back to school, getting a job, saving money. Contact an attorney and get some free legal advice. Arm yourself with knowledge so that you feel prepared and less vulnerable.

Ending a bad relationship is never easy. Seek out a support system. Confide your fears and concerns to someone who understands you. Try not to get caught up in counting the years spent with this person. This thinking will only make you feel worse. For example, I wasted the last 5 years of my life. Truthfully, I doubt that you did. I’m sure that you accomplished many things during that period. But, ask yourself a bigger question. If you believe that you wasted so much of your life on this relationship, are you willing to waste more?

Next week we will touch on some of the emotional reasons women don’t walk away from their partners whether single or married. We will focus on what keeps us in these relationships even though we feel empty.

NEXT WEEK: I LOVE HIM BUT…!

Cheaters- they come in all shapes and sizes. In my opinion, the more attention someone needs the more likely they are to cheat. Let’s look at some common reasons for cheating.

Boredom leads the list. Whether single or married, when boredom sets in, eyes and thoughts wander. For this person, something in their life is missing. It may the relationship has fallen into a rut, the two of you have grown apart, your individual careers keep you apart; or you simply don’t share the same vision for your futures. Sometimes the boredom has nothing to do with you. Your partner may be going through a difficult time at work or has lost his job. His self- esteem is at an all time low and he finds someone else to make him feel special.

Adrenal junkies are next on my list. These people need a rush to make them feel alive. Their lives consist of a constant three some or more, and the goal is not to get caught. The greater number of woman they can juggle the greater the rush.

Impulse control, some people simply lack it. They are unable to think of the consequences of their actions. They find themselves or put themselves in situations where they can be tempted to cheat and then t

ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE?

In reality, no one is responsible for another person’s actions. You are responsible for your own happiness and taking on a relationship with a known cheater will probably not make you happy unless your goal is to suffer.

My marriage or relationship is over because he cheated with HER.

No that is not why your relationship is over. Your relationship was problematic before HER. Furthermore, if he didn’t cheat with HER he would have cheated with another HER.

NEXT WEEK:  DO YOU REALLY LOVE HIM?

The couple will work to strengthen their relationship and family life . While Beyonce will devote more time to family, Jay Z will have the opportunity to take the spotlight and gain even more public recognition through an exciting business venture requiring travel away from home. Also, Jay Z will toy with the idea of becoming more politically active.

Although this couple is already on the Forbes list, their finances continue to soar.  All of this good fortune will bring out underling resentment and jealousy from several people close to the couple. Expect to hear some gossip and mud slinging from insiders.

Beyonce will plan a huge tour at the end of 2012 achieving even more fame-this tour will be quite an extravaganza.

Each case is somewhat different. Let’s look at the question checklist.

First, is he available? If not, He won’t commit. That was easy.

Second, How long have you been dating?

• 0 to3 months: It is really too soon to expect a commitment.

• 6 to 12 months: The 6 to 12 month period should be a good indicator as to where the relationship is headed. You should be making future plans for the holiday season, vacation, weekend trips. If he is willing to make future plans, he is not thinking of ending the relationship.

• 1 year and over: Your relationship has stalled. He seems to be dragging his feet. He is evasive about the future. You may feel like the two of you are distancing, arguing more, or he is simply making excuses to spend more time working.

This does not pertain to couples who have previous life commitments; for example, finishing an education, military duty, getting a divorce. Life can get in the way of making future plans.

If you are in a stalled relationship, the next step is to ask yourself why. What is the real cause of why your relationship is stuck.
The cause can vary from minor to major.

Some minor causes of stalled relationships are: lack of trust, financial insecurity on either parties side, your kids, your family, whether or not to have children, an extreme age difference.

Major causes can include but are not limited to addiction problem and cheating.

What to do:
For minor problems , it would be best to openly communicate your needs and expectations. If the relationship is strong enough and basically good the two of you should be able to reach a compromise.

For more major problems like addiction, It is best to seek expert advice and cure the addiction. In the case of those who cheat, we will further discuss this next week and in more detail.

If you are calling your psychic for an accurate reading, be prepared to discuss your relationship with your advisor. It is very difficult to give you the detailed answers that you are looking for while you are remaining mute. Remember, readers see trends, if your question is simply will my relationship last be prepared to hear the word no. However if you are interested in knowing what you can do to save your relationship express this to your reader.
NEXT WEEK: WHY DOES HE CHEAT?

We all make excuses when we misbehave.  In relationships, we may make excuses for our significant others. Let’s look at some excuses people make for their behavior and for the behavior of others.

When you meet a man, who is emotionally unavailable, because he is married, engaged, or involved with someone else, one of two things can happen. One, he doesn’t tell you about his other relationship and leads you to believe that he is available. Two, he tells you he is unhappy and ending the relationship.

First situation: The man in question withholds information. You may see him several times before you discover he is involved with another. This is when the lies begin.

HIM: I was going to tell you; I was waiting for the right time. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how, and I was afraid of losing you. I wanted to work this out before I told you.

HER: He really doesn’t love her. He will separate from her. He is afraid of losing me. He has been trying to leave her but she is crazy.

Second situation: The man is in a bad relationship. He is unhappy and unable to leave the situation-or so he says.

HIM: I have been unhappy for years. We no longer sleep together. I have never done this before. I can’t leave because she uses the children against me. I can’t leave because she is crazy. I’m separated. I’m in the process of getting a divorce. She is threatening to keep all of the marital assets. I can’t leave for religious reasons.

Her: I know that he loves me and will work this out. He really loves his children and doesn’t want them to suffer financially. He is leaving after the youngest leaves home. He is leaving after he hides some money. He will leave as soon as he is sure that his wife won’t commit suicide. He has never met anyone like me before and he has never done this before.

If you or a close friend is in this situation, maybe, it’s time to ask yourself some hard questions. Like, how much time do you plan on investing in this relationship? One thing is for certain, the more time invested, the more attached you become, the more excuses you will find yourself making.

Well, the bigger question   becomes what to do about the relationship.  You only have 2 choices. You go or you stay. If you choose to remain and believe the promises, you should try to set a deadline whether it is 3 months or a year.  During that time, there should be an expectation that the love of your life will  end  the other relationship. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness, and by staying you are agreeing to being unhappy for at least a period of time. Furthermore, it is likely that at the end of your deadline the relationship will end.

Next week: Why won’t he committ

The easy answer is he just doesn’t, but I have yet to meet the woman who is satisfied by this answer. So let’s examine the specifics of why he doesn’t love you. Over the next couple of weeks, I will be addressing the various reasons as to why he doesn’t love you.

Part One:  We will examine the emotionally unavailable man from the single women’s perspective. Followed by the excuses men make that women are willing to believe, and the excuses women make to believe in the relationship themselves.

Part Two: We will take a look at longer term relationships which have become blocked. More specifically, the reasons why a man is refusing to commit.

Part Three:  Marriage failures.

PART 1:  Is he emotionally available?

He is not emotionally available if he is in another relationship – married, engaged, living with someone, seriously dating someone else for more than 6 months.

Let’s be honest ladies, he can’t pretend to love you if he is pretending to love someone else. This situation is not about why he doesn’t love you as a person, but rather, what is missing in him that he needs so many people to love him!

He is not emotionally available if he recently ended a long term relationship.

Listen, whenever we end a long term relationship, we are understandably hurt. Everyone needs time to sort out their feelings. As people, we want to replace the “love” that we lost. If we do that too quickly, just to have someone in our lives – you know the quick fix –  typically, the relationship will end. There again, it is not about you.  When we make a conscious decision to involve ourselves with someone who has not put the past behind them, we set ourselves up for failure. Who can hope to compete with a past failed relationship?

In summary, you may think that you have met the nicest guy in the world, and he may well be- in the right set of circumstances; but, if he is emotionally unavailable, you are setting yourself up for a roller coaster ride of painful ups and downs.

Eventually this type of relationship will erode your self- esteem causing some of you to do all kinds of crazy things that you would never dream yourself capable of doing.  Be honest, how many of you have blocked your phone and called him- to hear the background noise; or, driven by his house to see who was coming and going?

Next week:  Excuses

Well I can guarantee you that it is not in his kiss!

Love, respect, and friendship are vital ingredients when conjuring up a long term committed relationship.

So how do you know that he really loves you?

1. Does he keep his word?

2. Is he attentive to you ?

3. Does he put your needs and wants ahead of his own 50% of the time?

4. Does he go out of his way to spend time with you?

If you answered no to any of these questions, you should take the time to objectively re-evaluate your relationship. Sometimes, it helps to discuss your relationship issues with an objective 3rd party adviser; after all, they are not emotionally involved in your relationship. By third party, I do not mean your friends and family.

Why Not?  Simple – friends and family are usually on your side and you run the risk of alienating them against the object of your desire should the relationship turn around.

An objective third party is someone who has nothing to gain or lose whether or not you chose to remain in the relationship. Some good examples are psychics, counselors, life coaches, and clergy depending on your preference.

Okay, now you have looked over your relationship with a critical eye and have answered the questions honestly. You think you might have a problem. You then consult with an objective third person and they confirm your worst fears. Now what??

Next week, we will talk about my second least favorite question- Why doesn’t he love me?

Today, we are going to begin a 3 part blog series focusing on love.
Part 1 Does he love me?
Part 2 Do you really love him?
Part 3 The irresistible spell .

By far, the most burning question that clients always ask is, ” Does he love me?” I certainly cannot speak for everyone else in my profession, but this is a tough question to answer. My client is waiting for a resounding YES – while, I on the other hand are taking some long deep breaths! Why? Because it is a complicated question. In very simple terms- is the relationship in lust or in love. Sometimes these two emotions are confusing to the reader as well as the client.

As an intuitive and empathic reader, I can pick up the sexual chemistry around the couple. If I consult the tarot or playing cards, I can clearly see the connection between the couple. But, what my client is really asking is, ” will this last?” This really reminds me of that old BeeGees song,”How deep is your love”.  Because getting to the root of love is similar to peeling the layers of an onion. There are just so many levels. Keep in mind that the external worlds plays a big role in the success of our love relationship.

In other words for a real relationship to last, we must prepare for the variables that can influence your current relationship. And believe me there are many situations that can influence someone to fall out of love with you. Some examples; family and friends are not supportive, changes in income, changes in physical appearance, personality traits that come out later.

As adults, we need to remember that we are not entitled to unconditional love. In reality, love is based on agreements and conditions. If either party fails to uphold their end of the relationship the relationship will fail or at the very least people are miserable.

So the next time you are calling a psychic with a love question try to be a bit more speciific about what you really want to know. Also, astrological readings can be very insightful because an astrologer can determine when you are more likely to meet the man of your dreams and or commit to a relationship.

I have included 2 web sites which some of you may find helpful. One, is the Arabic stages of love. For all of you Bollywood fans, in the movie “Marigold”, the writers refer to this continually. The second site is written from a psychological standpoint which I found enlightening.

http://www.suite101.com/content/love-love-me-do-a12516
http://kalchiron.blogspot.com/2009/03/seven-stages-of-love.html

Stayed Tuned for Next Weeks Blog: Do you Really Love Him?

Aries- Luck is in the air this month with Jupiter transiting Aries.  After the 20 when the Sun moves into Aries, Mercury will spur leadership and clarity of thought. With luck on your wings until June there is nothing Aries can’t charge through.

Taurus- Jupiter and Mercury in Aries is expanding your emotional reservoir, but also asking Taurus to act on these feelings.  Trips are a good out source for opening up opportunities, but be careful with accidents as energy will be surging.

Gemini- On the 3^rd of this month Venus will be in trine with the sun sparkling attraction and position from all sources. If a love interest is present or forth coming, Gemini’s charm and wit will bring them closer.  All of this will be available until the 28^th.

Cancer- Act on impulsive this month as leadership qualities will be strong. Transiting Pluto is breaking through old traditional orders, and clearing new ground to build upon in the areas of responsibility and ethical work.

Leo- The compatible fire sign of Aries rules the mind this month; therefore, putting ideas into action will easily be accomplished after the 10^th.  Venus is in opposition with the Sun which will bring opportunities for romance and friendship from those not normally in contact.

Virgo- Mars in Pieces is opposition to your sun; consequently, touching into that softer side before expressing ideas will work well in all endeavors. This will be difficult with Mercury in Aries adding fuel to Virgos already bright mental activity.

Libra- Saturn in Libra is demanding diplomatic behavior which by this time and Libra individual has intensely cultivated.  Things should flow smoothly for a Libra where others will have big stumbling blocks.

Scorpio- Mars in Pieces will benefit your dynamic emotional understanding to connect with family members, loved ones, and career. Around the 10^th communication will become impulsive, so using your emotional understanding will help you soften any harsh words.

Sagittarius- Everything seems to be going your way this month with most planets in trine with the Sun.  Communications, romance, and career will see Sagittarius’ sparkling wit. Continue to have patience with Mars in Pieces slowing down you pace.

Capricorn- Tap into that self control and stamina Capricorn is so well known for as the planets line up this month. Communications will become sharp and your knowledge of tempering your tongue can smooth over any obstacles.

Aquarius- This is a heavenly month as Venus and Uranus conjunct the Sun. Act on your ideas after the 10^th because at your disposal tremendous driving force pushes you ahead in communications.