Excuses & Lies

EXCUSES and LIES

We all make excuses when we misbehave.  In relationships, we may make excuses for our significant others. Let’s look at some excuses people make for their behavior and for the behavior of others.

When you meet a man, who is emotionally unavailable, because he is married, engaged, or involved with someone else, one of two things can happen. One, he doesn’t tell you about his other relationship and leads you to believe that he is available. Two, he tells you he is unhappy and ending the relationship.

First situation: The man in question withholds information. You may see him several times before you discover he is involved with another. This is when the lies begin.

HIM: I was going to tell you; I was waiting for the right time. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how, and I was afraid of losing you. I wanted to work this out before I told you.

HER: He really doesn’t love her. He will separate from her. He is afraid of losing me. He has been trying to leave her but she is crazy.

Second situation: The man is in a bad relationship. He is unhappy and unable to leave the situation-or so he says.

HIM: I have been unhappy for years. We no longer sleep together. I have never done this before. I can’t leave because she uses the children against me. I can’t leave because she is crazy. I’m separated. I’m in the process of getting a divorce. She is threatening to keep all of the marital assets. I can’t leave for religious reasons.

Her: I know that he loves me and will work this out. He really loves his children and doesn’t want them to suffer financially. He is leaving after the youngest leaves home. He is leaving after he hides some money. He will leave as soon as he is sure that his wife won’t commit suicide. He has never met anyone like me before and he has never done this before.

If you or a close friend is in this situation, maybe, it’s time to ask yourself some hard questions. Like, how much time do you plan on investing in this relationship? One thing is for certain, the more time invested, the more attached you become, the more excuses you will find yourself making.

Well, the bigger question   becomes what to do about the relationship.  You only have 2 choices. You go or you stay. If you choose to remain and believe the promises, you should try to set a deadline whether it is 3 months or a year.  During that time, there should be an expectation that the love of your life will  end  the other relationship. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness, and by staying you are agreeing to being unhappy for at least a period of time. Furthermore, it is likely that at the end of your deadline the relationship will end.

Next week: Why won’t he committ

General by Carol